Starting Conversations
Starting Conversations
Ever wonder why knowing what to say or not say is so hard? Do you say weird things when you get nervous? (don’t we all). Learning how to start conversations is a great skill to learn and below are a few practical tips and tricks to try the next time you find yourself around people you know well, don’t know well or are trying to meet!
Remember: You and the person(s) that you are trying to get to know/learn about/talk to are in the same situation!
When you approach someone/look at them, look them in the eyes and smile. Don’t leave someone guessing if you are talking to them or someone else-that can get awkward – for you and all the other people around. Also – a smile goes a long way – no one wants to be around a person that looks like they are bored, wishing they weren’t there.
Remember –the reason for starting conversations many times is because you or them are working or beginning a relationship with someone (bulding your network, etc.). One of the best ways I have learned how to start and continue conversations has been to find something in common with them. That’s can be your first goal in any initial conversations –what do you have in common with someone.
Finding common ground leads to more ease in starting and continuing conversations.
Tips and tricks in starting and keeping conversations
Converse about something basic – Weather.Sports.Random event.Pandemics.Food.Recent travel
What not to do: talk about something controversial that will give a bad impression – Example: “I can’t believe people got the COVID-19 vaccine, those jokers just ruined their lives and the government controls them now.” I mean, how would you respond to a statement like that?
Start with a compliment – you noticed their hair. Shoes. Jewelry. Car. Etc.
Ask people about themselves – think more open ended questions here
After you are introduced or introduce yourself - Remember their name – yes, if you are in a group (more than just two of you), use their name.
Begin your conversation(s)withquestions
Ask questions you’re interested in actually talking/learning about –and want to actually hear the answer to (start a genuine connection/conversation from the beginning)
Ask questions about something they are an expert in, enjoy, do for fun, have a passion for-
I heard you like to hunt – what’s in season?
You mentioned that you were a foster mom/dad to animals –what made you get into that?
Wait – did you just say you started your own business in dog walking, how did you get into that?
What? – How did that app change your life? I’m not a morning person either!
Last time we talked, you mentioned that you were going on vacation to the Caribbean/Florida – how did it go?
I just read a paper that you are a co-author on – can you tell me about...
I’m thinking about going to <<insert next big life stage decision or something you are thinking about doing – example: graduate school >> –what made you choose to go to graduate school?
Ask them what they think of something (the food/venue where you are at, etc.)
Listen to what the person says – and contribute to the convo/talk based on what it said. Whether that’s asking more questions or finding a different topic to talk about because the one you are on is not going well/is a bust.
Think about topics in advance – if you are going to be around someone that you have met already (remind yourself of their name and think about the last conversation you had with them (about their profession, what they were interested in, etc.) and think of topics to discuss with them when you approach them next.
Think about what you trying to do when you start a conversation with someone. If you have something you are trying to get out of the conversation (i.e., information, contact, contact information, etc.) –f ind the common ground again and eventually move to the conversation you are interested in having with them.
Tell a joke! Who doesn’t like to make someone laugh?Or laugh themselves.
Be honest –i f you don’t know the three letter acronym that they keep using or jargon they continue to use - Ask them to explain it to you or fill you in.
